"He who is willing to sacrifice freedom for safety deserves neither freedom nor safety." - Ben Franklin
"One useless man is called a disgrace; two useless men are called a law firm; and three or more useless men are a congress" - John Adams
Politicians and diapers should both be changed regularly and for the same reasons.
"Patriotism is supporting your country all the time and your government when it deserves it."--Mark Twain
> , here is a
> simple guide.
>
> DEMOCRATIC
> You have two cows.
> Your neighbor has none.
> You feel guilty for being successful.
> Barbara Streisand sings for you.
> REPUBLICAN
> You have two cows.
> Your neighbor has none.
> So?
> SOCIALIST
> You have two cows.
> The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
> You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
> COMMUNIST
> You have two cows.
> The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
> You wait in line for hours to get it.
> It is expensive and sour
> CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
> You have two cows.
> You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
> BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
> You have two cows.
> Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot
> one, milk the
> other, and
> then pours the milk down the drain.
> AMERICAN CORPORATION
> You have two cows.
> You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on
> the 2nd one.
> You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
> You are surprised
> when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the
> analysts stating
> you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
> Your stock goes up.
> FRENCH CORPORATION
> You have two cows.
> You go on strike because you want three cows.
> You go to lunch and drink wine.
> Life is good.
> JAPANESE CORPORATION
> You have two cows.
> You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an
> ordinary cow and
> produce twenty
> times the milk.
> They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
> Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
> GERMAN CORPORATION
> You have two cows.
> You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of
> beer, give excellent
> quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
> Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per
> year.
> ITALIAN CORPORATION
> You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
> While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
> You break for lunch.
> Life is good.
> RUSSIAN CORPORATION
> You have two cows.
> You have some vodka.
> You count them and learn you have five cows.
> You have some more vodka.
> You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
> The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you
> really have.
> TALIBAN CORPORATION
> You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two.
> You don't milk them because you cannot touch any
> creature's private parts.
> You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find
> alternatives to
> milk production
> but use the money to buy weapons.
> IRAQI CORPORATION
> You have two cows.
> They go into hiding.
> They send radio tapes of their mooing.
> POLISH CORPORATION
> You have two bulls.
> Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to
> milk them.
> BELGIAN CORPORATION
> You have one cow.
> The cow has split-personality disorder.
> Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times
> he's Flemish.
> The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
> The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
> The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
> The cow dies happy.
> FLORIDA CORPORATION
> You have a black cow and a brown cow.
> Everyone votes for the best looking one.
> Some of the people who actually like the brown one best
> accidentally vote
> for the black one.
> Some people vote for both.
> Some people vote for neither.
> Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
> Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which
> one you think is
> the best-looking cow.
> CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
> You have millions of cows.
> They make real California cheese.
> Only five speak English.
> Most are illegals.
> Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.
>
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